Inspired by blackdiode’s somewhat recent NSFW post.
Ages ago I worked a crappy dead-end job at a small company in its death throes. The company was run by a husband and wife team, and other employees included the wife’s brother (“J”), a woman about a year older than myself (“L”), and a couple of other random people.
J was married, and at the time of the incidents related here had one kid and either a newborn or one on the way. L was also married, but no kids. L sometimes talked about her husband, and the picture she painted was of a psycho who would murder her if she ever thought about leaving him.
One day, I arrived at work with a fresh 12-gauge* barbell through my somewhat swollen tongue. Much conversation was made about this around the lunch table that day.
Not long after, L approached my desk to discuss piercings. She revealed that she wished to get her nipples pierced and wanted to know where I had gotten my tongue pierced. I gave her the name/location of the shop and the name of the piercer, and a week or so later she told me she had visited the shop and acquired the piercings.
Coincidentally, right around this time (I can’t remember if it was shortly before or shortly after L getting her nipples pierced), J made some random comment about pierced nipples.
Shortly after this, I had to get a ride home from work from L. On our way out of the parking lot we were behind another employee’s car, and she made a comment about a bumper sticker on that employee’s car. Coincidentally, the next morning J made a comment about that bumper sticker.
Anyways, long story short: J and L were fucking, husband&wife owners found out, fired J immediately and were terrified L would sue for sexual harassment or some crap, what with J being the owner’s brother-in-law.
So. J is gone, L still around. L starts hanging around my desk. Starts talking about piercings. Starts asking questions about my tongue piercing. Specifically, wants to know if it makes oral sex better, and definitely fishing for an invitation to come back to my place and test it out.
My feelings on this were mixed. On the one hand, her husband was apparently a psychopath who would track me down and murder me. On the other hand, J was a fucking dork, and I was horribly insulted to be L’s second choice for office hookup. So, no, no test-drive for L.
* Normally they used 14, but they were out. They said I could postpone until the 14’s were in stock, but I said fuck it yolo.