My Outdoor Office has been Compromised

As I may have mentioned, I usually work from home, typically on the front porch.

As I may also have mentioned, we have this lesbian couple living next door to us.  They adopted a baby a while back, and for some reason now have a 30ish autistic woman living with them as well*.  Typically in the morning I would see her walking back and forth, either reading or talking on the phone or talking to herself or something while she hacked up phlegm.

Over the weekend we threw a party by the pool and invited them, since their adopted child is about the same age as my youngest spawn.  As a result of this I was trapped into a brief conversation with the autist.

Unfortunately, now that she knows my name, she feels free to talk to me when she sees me on the porch, since “we know each other”.

* They used to be fostering a 9ish girl, but apparently she was replaced.

A random conversation I had today

Me: Oh yeah, so I saw our next door neighbor get into a car accident the other day.

Mrs. Kapital: Which neighbor? What happened?

Me: The mother and daughter that live next to us.  I recognized the car because of the Wiccan* bumper sticker.

Mrs. K.: Wait, are they mother and daughter or a lesbian couple?

Me: … I don’t know?

Mrs. K.: And they’re “witches”.

Me: Yeah, apparently.

Mrs. K.: Well, you know how I feel about Wiccans*.

Me: Also there’s children living there now.

Mrs. K.: Yeah, they adopted some kids.

Me: Anyways the younger one was driving, and the light changed.  The cars in front of her moved but then stopped so there was like 10 feet of space in front of her car.  I think she was looking at her phone or something and wasn’t paying attention, then looked up and saw the space in front of her and stepped on the gas, and didn’t realize everyone was stopped, so she just plowed into the car ahead of her.

Mrs. K.: Did you stop and see of she was okay?

Me: … No, of course not.

Mrs. K.: OMG if you see someone you know get into an accident you have to stop and see if they’re alright!

Me: I don’t really know them.  Anyways I saw her walking around later and she seemed fine.  The car is missing the front bumper, though.
* it says “My church is the forest” or some stupid shit like that.

* She finds them annoying.

Light & Dark

Setting up lighting at home for a makeshift photo studio has given me mixed results. Having different young female models visiting my apartment a few times a week has resulted in mixed expressions from my loudly Christian neighbors. I offer no answers to their facial queries.

I’m open to trying new things.

My Weird Neighbor

My weird neighbor is a blonde woman, about 60 years old. That is a rough estimate – she appears to have lived a hard life which has aged her, however she’s obviously had some plastic surgery to appear younger. She drives a pink convertible VW with Hello Kitty seatcovers. She owns several tiny dogs and dyed one of them pink. She often sits on her porch drinking wine and talking on the phone. She dresses in a flamboyant “look at me!” fashion, often wearing giant bows in her hair.

Current theory is that she is a former stripper.

Her husband* appears to be in his mid 40s and otherwise appears normal.

Her son** used to live with them, and used to hang out at the pool with his skanky, poorly tattooed, emaciated meth-head girlfriend*.

I guess you could argue that they are not that weird, but I didn’t ask your opinion.

* or whatever
** he appears to be too old to be the husband*’s son aswel.