What follows is an entirely too detailed description of my day.
Woke up too early. Prepared instant coffee from tiny plastic cups, answered a few important work emails, then sent the important email of my own, the one where I fake illness and state that I shan’t be working today. Packed Mrs. Kapital and KapitalSpawn #1 into the van and headed to Disneyland.
Side note: we pick our Disneyland days based on two factors: (1) someone getting us in for free, and (2) the crowd prediction calendar says it’s a “Ghost Town”. Now back to the day, already in progress.
Was slowed on the way by an accident, though not as much as one would expect considering the two left lanes were blocked, with a motorcycle down and paramedics/cops/ambulances at the scene.
Arrived at Disneyland. Dropped Mrs. K and Spawn (loaded into an enormous double-wide stroller) at the drop-off area, then parked the car in the off-site parking and took the bus in to meet them again at the front gate (past experience with the giant stroller has shown this to be the easiest method of arriving and departing Disneyland).
Met with the nice person who had agreed to get us in for free. Got in for free. Park does seem crowded for a “Ghost Town”, but maybe that’s because it just opened and everyone is bunched up by the front gate.
Mrs. K proceeded to Guest Services to get a handicapped pass (due to her knee injury). This allows us to “check in” at most rides, then come back after a specified period of time rather than having to wait in line. A few rides we can skip the line entirely. The line for Guest Services, however, was long and could not be skipped, so as there were various characters, so I took the Spawn to see the characters who were posing for pictures. Results: Donald: line already closed because he was leaving soon. Passed Dale (going somewhere) on the way to see Chip (line already closed), saw Pluto walking away on our way to see Goofy (line already closed) and Mickey (line already closed).
Touched base with Mrs. K (still in line) then proceeded to the character breakfast where the characters come over to your table while you eat. Successfully navigated an expensive multi-station breakfast buffet with a 5yo and a 2yo, with only 2 Mickey Mouse waffles as casualties. Saw Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh, and Minnie Mouse. Pictures were taken.
Ride time: first we get fastpasses for Star Tours. then go on Buzz Lightyear Astroblasters. 20 minutes for BLA; a “Ghost Town” day should be more like 5 minutes, so the crowd calendar is definitely wrong. Next up is handicapped check-in at Space Mountain (currently known as “Hyperspace Mountain”, with a Star Wars re-theme). Bathrooms by the Space Mountain are closed for remodeling, so we head to the nearest bathrooms which are by Autopia (which is closed), passing the Jedi Academy show on the way.
About the Jedi Academy show: they bring in kids from the audience, put them in Jedi robes, give them lightsabers, show them a couple of lightsaber moves, then they fight Darth Vader and Darth Maul. They pick the kids randomly from the audience. Spawn #1 has participated in this a couple of times when we have arrived early on “Ghost Town” days. BUT: now they’ve changed it a bit: with the new Star Wars movie they’ve changed the villains and, more importantly for this story, instead of picking kids from the audience who are jumping up and down a lot, you have to register in advance for a particular showtime.
The registration is across from Autopia, so we pass it on the way to the bathrooms, and there’s a sign saying that all the slots are already full for the day. Mrs. K. talks to the registration people who tell us to come back 20 minutes before the show, we can get put on the alternate list in case someone registered doesn’t show up. Show is 35 minutes away, so we wait the 15, then talk to them again, get Spawn #1 put on alternate list, wait some more, and turns out everyone does show up, there is no room for Spawn #1.
Side note #2: Mrs. K. is, in a rather broad sense, not in a good mood, due to a combination of mostly work-related stress, lack of sleep, and feminine issues.
Mrs. K. speaks to a management person, and after a long conversation no resolution is had and we move on. Back to Hyperspace Mountain, we inquire and discover that they do have a child swap program; so Mrs. K. takes Spawn #1 on the ride while I wait with Spawn #2 (who is too small to ride), then I take Spawn #1 on the ride again while Mrs. K. waits with Spawn #2. This is both awesome and annoying that we did not know until now that they did this. We next proceed to Star Tours and employ the same tactic.
Next we stop for lunch, but then Spawn #1 needs to use the restroom facitlities. We travel to the nearest restroom (which is fairly small) and wait in line to use the stalls, as Spawn #1 must #2. As we are waiting, I notice that in front of the handwashing sinks there’s an Asian man kneeling down next to an Asian boy, maybe 5 or 6 years old, who is kind of squatting down and hunched forward. At first I think maybe the kid is sick and throwing up, but it turns out this is wrong, he’s actually taking a shit on the floor in the middle of the restroom.
Not directly on the floor, but into a big pile of paper towels and/or toilet paper that the dad has assembled there.
NO SERIOUSLY WHAT IS GOING ON WHERE IS MY GOD NOW WHY HAS HE FORSAKEN ME
So the kid finishes taking a shit, and the dad wipes his ass, scoops up the pile of paper towels off the floor and puts them into the trash, grabs several more paper towels and cleans up the giant shit that either missed the towels entirely or was dropped in the initial scoop, then leaves. Fortunately, just then a stall opened up and I took Spawn#1 in, saving me from an awkward “WHAT THE NAME OF FUCK JUST HAPPENED” conversation with other witnesses.
After that happened, I run to get fastpasses for Splash Mountain. One of the fastpass machines is broken – it scans the ticket but doesn’t print the fastpass, and the other fastpass machines tell me that particular ticket already has a fastpass for Splash Mountain, so then I have to find a guy and explain the situation and get that sorted out.
Spawn #2 is asleep in the stroller at this point, so I decide to take Spawn #1 on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. After waiting in line for around 30 minutes, the ride breaks down. I return to Mrs. K., and she finds some random helpful-looking employee who actually does turn out to be nice and helpful. He pulls out a pad of special paper, writes a few things down, tears it off and tells us to take it to the fastpass lane at Hyperspace Mountain to get to the front of the line.
We get a handicapped return time for Pirates of the Caribbean, then head over to the Haunted Mansion to get fastpasses, then by this point Spawn #2 is awake, so we head back to PotC. Both Spawns like PotC (#2 especially), so we get another return time before heading off to Splash Mountain. Splash Mountain is broken when we get there, so we go across the way to the Winnie the Pooh ride, which is more crowded than I’ve ever seen it. After 10 minutes in line the ride breaks down, but by this time Splash Mountain is up and running again, so we do the child-swap thing and take Spawn #1 on it twice. Mrs. K. complains at the Winnie the Pooh ride, and they scan a ticket and let us use that ticket to hop to the front of the line of one ride.
By this time the fastpasses for Haunted Mansion have expired, and Spawn #1 isn’t into HM because it’s not decorated like Nightmare Before Christmas (which they do from October-December), so we skip it and ride Pirates again, then head over to the Peter Pan ride. The handicapped/”hop to the front” line is long and seems slower than the actual line, so we hit Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride instead with the handicapped pass (wait time about 2 minutes instead of 20-30), then head over to the Submarines (passing the Matterhorn, which is my favorite and which is also closed for maintenance).
We reach the Submarines, next to Autopia which now seems to be running. I try to take Spawn #1 on Autopia, but am told that there is a private party for Honda, so we will not be allowed ride it because we do not have the required blue wristbands. Which is totally awesome because yeah, why not block off a ride for a private party when half the rides at the park are closed, and don’t worry about it because my 5 year old fully understands why he can’t go on the ride that is obviously fully operational, and wow “It will be open tomorrow” is genuinely the most helpful thing I have fucking heard today.
In any case, Mrs. K. is again displeased with the situation, and takes several pictures of the “closed for refurbishing” signs to include in her stern letter which she may be writing.
Anyways, Submarines instead of Autopia, then back to use our linehopper pass at Space Mountain, then use the other pass to go on Star Tours. After this the rides closed, the nightly fireworks show began, and Spawn #1 fell asleep as we walked to the exit. I hopped on a bus, got the car, returned to the pick up area, retrieved Mrs. K. and the Spawns, and came home.
THIS HAS BEEN AN ENTIRELY TOO DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF MY DAY THANK YOU FOR READING GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS