Diseases Caused by Masturbation

A young man, not sixteen years old, became addicted to masturbation to so great a degree, that finally, instead of semen there was an emission of blood, which was followed by excessive pain and inflammation of all the genital organs.

Note: I know this is not true because it has never happened to me.

Some recent discoveries on the Face-book

Found some people from high school on the facebooks.  Some interesting ones:

  • Girl who was a total whore, dropped out, ran away from home, and was crashing with various local meth dealers -as I recall, she would live with one meth dealer for 2-4 weeks, then leave, move in with another meth dealer, and try to get that meth dealer and his friends to kill the previous meth dealer.  Lather, rinse repeat.
    • Current status: Married, several kids, “likes” include Jesus Christ, Our Lord Jesus Christ, ♥Jesus Christ♥, and some local church.
  • Girl who was small and cute in high school.
    • Current status: Giant hambeast at least 4x the size of her former self, and looking at least 10 years older than she actually is.  Also married with about 10 kids.
  • Girl who was fat all through elementary, junior high, and high school.
    • Current status: Skinny as a rail.  Also bald.  Because she has the cancer.

I can’t decide which of these is more depressing.

Innovation Meets TexMex

Last night I had an idea for a restaurant while waiting for my friend to finish cooking me steak on hot coals during a rainstorm. The swine flu* is coming in from Mexico (again) and before that we couldn’t eat green onions** or tomatos*** or jalapeno peppers*** (plus other fresh and dried chilies***) or cantaloupe*** or peanuts*** or pistachios*** or potatoes**** or spinach*****. What do these all have in common? All of these foods came from food plants or farms with Mexican workers located in Mexico and Southern California.

Why not start a food chain which promotes that no foods come from Mexico or other Latin American countries******? This would make the food a bit more costly but the novelty would surely create a cult following. That is, until the immigrant workers burn the place down.

I haven’t thought of a name but I did come up with a slogan: “We Remove The Panic – From Hispanic” or more specifically, “We Take Out The Panic – From Hispanic Foods.” Of course, this would only work if the primary menu items were south of the border (styled) entrees.

* A good article on the topic.
** Hepitatis A
*** Salmonella
**** Actually these came from Canada, but they didn’t make anyone sick which just proves my point further.
***** E.Coli
****** I guess that would have to include California