Diseases Caused by Masturbation

A young man, not sixteen years old, became addicted to masturbation to so great a degree, that finally, instead of semen there was an emission of blood, which was followed by excessive pain and inflammation of all the genital organs.

Note: I know this is not true because it has never happened to me.

The Blood Cross

I recently gave blood via the Red Cross. They have a few large donation trailers that will park and take-camp at a large office building for a day. I do the bare minimum, I give when they come to me.

This was the dirtiest trailer I’ve ever been inside of. Not filth, but clutter. I felt like I was politely visiting a local hoarder and trying to find a way to politely talk about their problem. I was courteous and tried tip-toeing around it.

When the final nurse was laying me down to relax I noticed she had on a lot of bracelets. Not just silly teener-bopper-mid-eighties style but also just entirely unprofessional.


She smiled and told me to relax, an action that almost always results in an erection. I call it the “medical erection” but it is just a regular erection. On this day, I did not get hard, I was more concerned that the LPN or CNA needed to see a dentist in the near future.

The doctor emptied my veins without incident. I asked if they’d considered getting more cabinets for all the “stuff” and he said something I’ve entirely forgotten because, like everything else, it was meaningless.

I’m now questioning if they were from the real Red Cross or not.